Self-processing – old stuff

This piece is my journaling and self-processing through a fairly intense activation. The content is real time content as I recorded it, edited a bit for my privacy.

Yesterday I was quiet – reclusive – difficulty with interacting – ended up hiding in puzzles for hours – also ate chocolate. Day before was a good day – I felt safe – I went to bed feeling less wired than has happened in a long time. My story was that I dropped down to a different level of settling and have gotten in touch with a new layer of stuff.

Today right now I feel really activated. I ran into a bit of a conflict and I feel like I have no resources to manage a conflict – or any other challenge. I feel stripped raw. That’s a post-traumatic activated feeling. So here is an opportunity – I’m right there in the soup. So I can try things and see what works. But I don’t want to try anything. I just want to curl up in a corner.

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My thoughts about your expectations

One of the things that I notice getting in the way of my productivity, creativity, and sense of peace is the pressure to meet the expectations of other people around me, pressure that is based on expectations that I am making up.

I started this blog with the intention of capturing my ideas, insights and observations related to the healing of trauma, through doing – or attempting to do – my own personal trauma healing work. I figured that some of the things I observe and discover may be useful to others.

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Thoughts on navigating a post-traumatic life

In a healthy state, I will continuously be engaged in Self-expression, Self-protection, and Self-care.

I can calibrate the amount of attention that my self-protection and self-care require, and I will be consciously aware of the signals that come from my body, indicating specific needs for protection and care.

When I am in a post-traumatic state (which means most of us to at least some extent), several gaps are introduced into this process:

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