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Somatic Developmental Trauma Healing with Rosalie Corame

Somatic Developmental Trauma Healing with Rosalie Corame

Coaching for Somatic Healing and Personal Growth

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Category: Blog from Newsletter

Posted on December 21, 2021April 9, 2022

Inching toward safety deep inside our nervous systems

Hi, Beautiful One and Everyone, (originally an email newsletter)

I add “and Everyone” because this is my newsletter, and while I want your nervous system to feel that I am absolutely thinking about you and talking to you directly, I don’t want your nervous system to start out thinking that I have composed this message to you individually – and to then experience a shock when you realize it’s my newsletter that’s going to a whole bunch of people.

That has happened a few times, and I feel a shock in my body when I realize that someone experienced my email as something different than it was. 

It’s interesting. A lot of what we do in nervous system healing could be interpreted as “tricking” our nervous system. But I guess I see it as tricking our nervous systems into believing what is already true, when our trauma has us stuck believing things about ourselves that are not true.

For example, today I’m sharing with you a healing process I just put together for myself. The intent of the process is to trick the nervous system into feel loved, blessed and safe. It’s not really a trick. The intent of the process is to invite the nervous system into feel loved, blessed and safe. As humans and mammals, we are pretty programmable, so is there a difference? I think the significant difference may be in our motivation and intent when we seek to re-program ourselves and others.

n practical life news, the very next morning after my last newsletter went out, my husband John went to the hospital with heart attack symptoms and came home nine days later with a quadruple bypass, four clean new arteries carrying blood to his heart. As an educational note, his chest pain was mild, that was really a minor side symptom that by itself would not have triggered alarm. The most significant symptom was tremendous pain in his left arm, as if there was a snake wrapped around the arm squeezing it tightly. The arm pain plus the milder chest pain, plus referred pain up his neck was enough for us to suspect a heart attack and call an ambulance, in which John was treated as soon as they got him settled into the vehicle. Along with an upgraded heart, John feels he has a new lease on life and he is actually feeling a lot better than he had for some time prior to the heart attack.

It was a lot. I did my best to pace myself, but through that whole sequence of events, I ended up crashing with what was presumably a resurgence of long Covid. My doctor couldn’t find any signs of any current infection. I was so tired I was in tears, even on days that I didn’t go in to the hospital. I’m still slowly crawling out of that place of aggressive fatigue.

Me. Crawling out of resurgent post-Covid fatigue

And now, inspirations from a warm soak in the tub:
 It is normal and natural for you to find yourself feeling stuck and numb, either operating on automatic, or being sedentary and just not getting things done, or impulsively doing things that you know are not the things you really want to do.
 That is normal. When you find yourself there, you have not failed. 

You are standing on the battleground – you are the battleground – between forces of protest, anger, expression, and emotion that push upwards reaching for greater aliveness and forces of quieting, suppression, numbing and disconnection that push downwards seeking relative calm and safety.

The place of the stalemate, the standoff, is where you find yourself sitting. Neither side has won because you are neither fully vital and alive nor are you at peace.

All of this is normal. Again, you have not failed. You are not a failure.
And just as this place of stuckness is a familiar habitual place, the things you do to get yourself back on track are often also old familiar habits. Some of these “snap out of it” or “let’s shift gears here” activities may be really healthy and awesome, some may be rough and disrespectful to yourself, and some may be relatively neutral.

But I want to talk a bit more about this place of stuckness, rather than about ways of escaping it.


“I know that I am sitting inside the tug of war or wrestling match between the forces of intensity and pain and those of disconnection and suppression. If it is a tug of war, I am the rope. If it is a wrestling match, I am sandwiched in between the two fighters, being pulled and knocked and punched with every interaction between them.

I know that these forces are primarily inside myself even though they are affected by outside people, things and events.

Rather than continuing to distract from or endure this conflict, I would like to find a way to reduce the conflict and eventually bring it to an end.

I know that the way that the conflict can diminish is through my body and my nervous system feeling safe, which can only happen when my body and nervous system can even learn how to feel safe.”

I invite you to hold your hands out in front of you, cupped with palms up, like you are open to being gifted with something beautiful.
As much as you can in a safe way, feel in your hands the invitation for someone or something to love you by giving you something that will bring you joy.
Feel hopeful, open, and expectant in your hands if you can. Whatever you are feeling is ok.

“Even though there have been so many difficulties and disappointments, I open for love and nourishment to come to me”

I invite you to now take one of your hands and move your fingertips to the palm of your other still open hand, gently touching your palm as if you are placing some small and precious object in that open hand. You can imagine some object or just see light and love being placed into your palm. And if there is light landing in your palm, then it travels up your arm and through your shoulder joint and then the light spreads throughout your whole body.  And then have the fingers of the giving hand touch the fingers of the receiving hand, gently holding or stroking, offering blessing and comfort.

“Bless you. I know that you have been hungry. With this touch I wish to tell you that you deserve all the love, safety, nourishment, protection, and joy that you have ever wanted.”

Let your receiving hand receive. Know that in doing this, you are gently, ever gently nudging the deepest unconscious layers of your nervous system to move away from alert and toward softening and safety.

“I am willing to open to receive. I am willing to move toward safety and softness at a pace that is tolerable for my body system.”

As I am doing this with myself, I am noticing my head and neck gently and spontaneously moving.

Take your time. Be curious.

“As I receive this blessing and comfort, I am here, I am alive.”

If it feels right, I invite you to try the process again, switching hands. First both hands open to receive, then the hand that was the receiving hand becomes the giving hand and offers a gift and a blessing. You can re-read and follow the prompts above or follow your intuition and your body in any way that feels right.

Take your time. Be curious.

“As I receive this blessing and comfort, I am here, I am alive.”

Allow yourself to be aware of your body and just notice whether there is any information or whether there are any messages that your body wants to give to you. There might be and there might not be. Just allow the space and listen and feel as you breathe.

As I am doing this part, my hands are exploring each other, touching, holding, stroking.

And for me, the message is, “More gentleness.” The fingers of one hand are stroking my breastbone and coming to rest on my belly.

I yawn, my arms and legs feel tingly, and my head and neck are moving again.

And my body is reminding me of something I had planned to include in this practice when I thought of it in the bathtub. So here it is:

When you are in a familiar and stuck place, you feel familiar and stuck feelings. And then you have thoughts about why those feelings are here right now, stories about your struggles and failures. 

But the feelings are only a little bit from the present and are mostly from the past. And the stories about your struggles and failures may have grains of truth in them somewhere but they are not the truth in present time.

So again and again we need to learn that nearly every sentence that starts with “I feel like this because…” is simply not true.

I feel calm now, I feel good after doing this process. I know that I will find myself stuck again, and the feelings and stories will be back.

When that happens,
–  I will not be a failure &
–  the feelings will again be mostly from the past &
–  the stories of my failure will again be largely not true

even though they will feel – and seem – very true in those moments.

I wish you an easeful holiday season and a safe and heart-warming winter.

Posted on October 19, 2021April 9, 2022

Poking out my head to say Hi! New video series!

I hope that you are well. I keep being struck by how amazing it is to be human. And how perplexing and confusing and challenging and disorienting.

I’ve given up pretending to myself that I’m going to send newsletters 2-4 times per month, and I’m going to see if I can find my way to sending them once or twice a month!

But I do have news. I have published a video series about Developmental Trauma. When I am working with clients, or even in conversation with unwitting civilians about trauma, there are a bunch of mini-lectures I find myself sharing repeatedly, little 3 minute overviews of things. This series might be described as a great compilation of all of those bits. It’s 6 videos and a total of about 2 hours’ of content. They offer a basic overview of how I see developmental trauma and the path of healing.

Link to Video series on Developmental Trauma and Healing

And much bigger news: I have a new grandson! His coming into the world was quite an intense journey for everybody, but here he is, healthy and vibrant!

Baby Korben and me after lots of not sleeping much

No long stories today but I will leave you with this

Take care, be kind to yourself

Posted on October 17, 2021April 9, 2022

Yes to our Superpowers! Yes to seeing our struggles!

I hope that you are doing well.

Here is my long-awaited newsletter. I was delayed a bit because I have accepted some temporary work in my previous field, that I am doing alongside my continually growing coaching practice. In this transition, I am seeking the right balance in my weekly schedule.

All of which is awesome for a few different reasons, but that is a topic for another newsletter. Here’s what I want to share about today: I had an illuminating experience yesterday that was a real-time illustration of what unresolved developmental trauma does to us – or in us – all the time.

Developmental trauma interferes with and fundamentally changes your relationship with your needs and feelings. And since your feelings are your organic built-in GPS for your life, both from moment to moment and in terms of the big picture, this disruption in your relationship with your feelings also interferes with the direction of your life in uncountable ways.

Continue reading “Yes to our Superpowers! Yes to seeing our struggles!”
Posted on July 20, 2021April 9, 2022

A (friendly) challenge! 🤩🥰 – and Gabor Mate

I hope that you are having a safe and awesome summer, filled with pleasant blessings and surprises.

There is a lot that I want to be able to teach you about fear, hope, vitality, overwhelm and the human nervous system.

Some of what I want to teach you, I know really well inside myself.
But what I don’t necessarily know are:
– how to put words around what I know that will enable you to also know it
– how many different things can get in the way of you even understanding what I am talking about

And some of what I want to teach you, I only have glimmers of. There are things I am just beginning to learn inside myself, and I can tell there’s much more. To use a martial arts analogy, I know that I know a lot of stuff, but I don’t know whether I am a first degree black belt or a yellow belt! I know that I know a lot and I know that there is a lot more to know that I can’t even envision yet.

Sometimes it’s a glimmer – like I get the flavor of something – it’s hope – or possibility – or insight – but it’s fuzzy, not clear…
Continue reading “A (friendly) challenge! 🤩🥰 – and Gabor Mate”
Posted on July 20, 2021April 9, 2022

Plan, Start, Keep Going!

Plan, Start, Keep Going!
Clarify and set your most important intention(s).
(For example, to love and forgive myself)
Make a specific and simple plan to support your intention.
(Five to ten times per day for a week, I will put my hand on my heart, breathe, soften, drop my shoulders and say, “I love me and I forgive myself”)
Make a backup plan for when something goes wrong.
(I will put reminders in my calendar and put up sticky notes.)
Start following your plan.

When you inevitably find yourself off the track:

Do not:

  • Analyze how you got here
  • Criticize or judge yourself
  • Assume or declare that you have failed

Do:

  • Remember your intention and why it was important to you
  • Return to the plan and/or
  • Go to the back up plan
  • Keep going

The temptation to analyze or judge is an insidious distraction.
You can analyze after the time period has ended.

Posted on June 25, 2021April 9, 2022

Stressed? Take a 22 minute break to let go

Happy Summer Solstice and Father’s Day!

Gratitude for all of the great fathering in our lives, and compassion for all of the pain and grief around lost fathers and fathers who were not there or were not able to really see us and support us.

First off, I’ve recorded a new meditation that is available on SoundCloud. Until now, all of the longer recordings included some sort of active engagement with emotion or nervous system activation. This one is a 22 minute guided process that’s just about relaxing, letting go, grounding, feeling supported, that sort of thing. You can find it right here. Enjoy!!

Relaxing, letting go recording

And if you do check it out, let me know how it goes!

Continue reading “Stressed? Take a 22 minute break to let go”
Posted on June 6, 2021April 9, 2022

Alpha testers wanted – be the first to see my new stuff!

Happy June!

Here in Maryland and surrounding states we are being serenaded by the chorus of cicadas that make a visitation every 17 years. I find it a rather pleasant background song.

I have an important update and a request for volunteers.

I am working on a self-led course, designed to be done as a weekend retreat. The course will include video segments, audio exercises, written exercises and other activities.

The intent is that the program will help folks clarify their goals and obstacles, and help them identify practices which will allow them to shift the obstacles and move toward their goals. 

Once I have the course put together I will be looking for some beta-testers for the program, but right now I am looking for some alpha-testers, to view, listen to or try out individual pieces of content and give me feedback on how well they to or don’t resonate with you.

I am having a very non-linear experience in putting this course together. I expect to be sending you one to four pieces – and emails – per week, for three to six weeks. And my request, if you sign up, is that you will try out at least one piece per week and send me some feedback.

So if you have enough time and that sounds intriguing to you, and you don’t mind getting the emails, you can join my alpha-testing team by clicking on this button and signing up on the next page.

Yes, count me in and send me videos and processes to try!
Posted on May 2, 2021April 9, 2022

May is Self Practice Month! What practices are you doing today?

Here in Maryland, the dogwoods are in full bloom, approaching the end of their spring display, and there are Star of Bethlehem flowers in many of the lawns in the neighborhood. Since I took over cutting my own lawn again, I was able to mow around these lovely white flowers and give them another week or two to adorn my yard. 

In the US, COVID cases are dropping. The virus may never go away and may continue to kill thousands of people every month, due to the combination of vaccine fears and new variants. But by sometime this year, life should be able to find a new normal that allows us to gather in person again.

In India, though, COVID is spiking dramatically. Because of widespread poverty and close quarters, the virus is very difficult to manage and contain there. 

Here are links to some of the organizations providing support and relief in response to the COVID crisis in India.

Thank you for whatever you are doing that supports health and healing in your family and in the world.

And in the interest of psychological and nervous system healing, I have declared May to be the month of small personal practices!

May is the month of small personal practices!

I invite you to join with me in setting the intention to do personal practices every day (or most every day), or to add additional practices to your standing regimen.

How is it helpful to do more small personal practices? If I am doing pretty ok, why should I trouble myself with trying to fit one more thing onto my plate?

Let’s start there. The intention in doing personal practices is not to add an item to your to do list that will increase your stress. We want to reduce stress and increase flow. So if setting an intention will cause you stress, then perhaps you can just have an idea of maybe trying something out if you feel like it. 

But let me explain why personal practices are useful, and then I invite you to find a way to fit them in with a spoonful of joy rather than stress.

One of my practices this past month or so has been to walk around the block once or twice most days. This is me walking around the block with the sun behind me. If you look closely you can see my foot in the shadow at the bottom of the pic.

Hmm, I could segue into a discussion of shadow, but I don’t think that is where this particular email is going..

Based on my conversations with people seeking healing and growth, folks really want potent experiences and significant breakthroughs. We want to feel clearly in our bodies that something has shifted, that there is more room for us to be free, to feel, and to be ourselves.

I actually had the pleasure of such a shift just this past weekend. It was not a single event or insight, but four days in an intensive trauma training called ISP, integralsomaticpsychology.com, in which I got to do several practice sessions both as a facilitator and as a client.

As a result of that work, I feel like I have more space to be alive. I think that my life-long habit has been that whenever I feel actual eagerness, a dark shadow (there’s the reference to shadow LOL) immediately shows up and pours water all over my eagerness, so I end up muted and wet. But today I noticed an eagerness show up and I noticed that the eagerness just stayed there in me, that nothing came to drown it out.


 That is what we want so much, palpable shifts, a clear knowing that who I am today is different than yesterday in some real way.

Do small personal practices bring about these substantive shifts?

No and yes.

The daffodils have come and gone but I wanted to put another flower pic in here.

Most typically, small practices do not directly evoke the profound shifts we are looking for and longing for. If they do not bring about major shifts, what do they do? Small practices can lay the groundwork for big breakthroughs. Here are two ways that our daily (or intermittent) practices support us in coming to major shifts:

First, to state the obvious, any shift is an adjustment, a change in how we feel or in how we perceive things or in what happens inside of us. A shift is a change. That is obvious, but it leads into this point. A small practice generally produces a small change, often temporary, lasting only during the time that we do the practice or for a little while afterward. So, not a permanent shift, but a change nonetheless.

If you do a variety of practices over time, your body experiences a variety of small, often temporary, shifts. Through this, your body learns repeatedly that shift is possible. The habit of shifting your experience through practice makes you more flexible and this allows your body to more easily accept a larger shift when circumstances allow one to arise.

The other element is that major healing shifts tend to be accompanied or even driven by insight and meaning, by shifts in cognitive understanding. The small practices we do every day often gift us with small insights, or with glimpses into a larger understanding that we can touch in our minds but can’t yet feel in our bodies. The accumulation of these smaller experiences of insight can support the meaning making elements of a larger shift, when circumstances allow for that larger shift to be possible.

So when we are in a particularly potent healing container or we have a life-changing event or a profound spiritual experience, the groundwork we have done through our practices creates fertile ground that makes a movement toward healing both more able to occur and more likely to stick.

And sometimes the accumulation of many small insights and shifts blossoms directly into a transformation inside of us. I don’t want to rule that out!

Perhaps June or July will be the month of larger shifts. I will offer ideas and suggestions about how to invite those shifts to happen. In the meantime, all of the small practices that we do in this month of May will indeed support those inevitable and powerful healing experiences that each of us seek.

What practices do you want to try, and how might you try them in a way that is easeful and joyful?

Note that when I say “small practices”, they can be really small.

For example, I just looked up from my laptop, looked out the window at the neighbor’s tree moving in the wind, and took a deep breath. That ten second act brings me a little more calm and a little more present.

I just took some moments to feel my feet, my calves, my thighs, my buttocks, my hips, my belly, my chest, my neck, my shoulders, my arms, my hands, my face, my brain, and the top of my head. It took more time to type about that than the time it took to do it. Yet that simple series of paying attention brought me more connection with my body and breath.

I just raised my arms up in a gesture of gratitude and smiled. That took about 15 seconds, and it softened my heart, my face and my body.

Throughout the month, I will be sharing my small practices daily through Facebook and Instagram and on my blog. I will also share some of them with you through my newsletters.

I invite you now to do one small thing. Stroke your own face lovingly. Or send a prayerful blessing to someone you care about. Or stretch. Or dance. Or breathe – deep breathing or belly breathing or alternate nostril breathing or breath of fire, whatever breathing practice your body loves.

Do one small thing, and then thank yourself for doing it!
 I wish you a fruitful and joyful month of May!

In gratitude,

Posted on April 11, 2021April 9, 2022

I am trying to draw a map for myself

Happy Spring, again!

The dogwood in our front yard has started to bloom.

And happy Covid spring, or at least we can see that spring is going to come. My beloved and I will get our second vaccinations in less than two weeks.

Happy Spring, Dogwood Blossoms!

I am always trying to draw maps of the healing journey. I feel more secure if I have some way to assess where I am, where I’ve been and where I am trying to get to.

So last week I drew a map, or map-ish. You can access the entire PDF by entering your email at the top of the page and adding yourself to my mailing list.

Continue reading “I am trying to draw a map for myself”
Posted on March 29, 2021April 9, 2022

Gathering Evidence for Failure

Today’s topic is collecting evidence of failure vs collecting evidence of success.

As I look around my home and my life, I constantly see evidence of my failure. There are many relationships and areas of my life that are not the way I would like them to be. And since one of my challenges is clutter, there is literally physical evidence littered all over the place reminding me of my lack of mastery.

So – yes, the evidence is there for my failures. It’s absolutely true. I see it around me, and there is no denying it.

I’m thinking of those situations where there is something terrible happening and we just gawk at it, the car accident or a tragedy on the tv. When we just gape and stare at the tragedy, nothing happens, we are just lost in frightful musing. In that vein, I have this unconscious habit of gaping at my failure, which makes it seem bigger than it is.

But when I consciously redirect my attention and look around for evidence of my success, even looking at the same objects, there is actually abundant evidence of my success. There is lots of evidence for both, but the evidence for failure is what I notice.

Continue reading “Gathering Evidence for Failure”

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