It’s Thursday noon in Baltimore. It was snowing overnight and sleeting about an hour ago. It’s quiet now, but we are expecting another 2-4 inches of snow overnight. Not much compared to New England and the Midwest, and overall much easier than Texas.
I hope that wherever you are, you are warm, safe, and fed.
I hope that you are doing well, reaching deep into the soil of the earth for nutrients through the challenge of winter, feeling the call of spring that will be coming.
I am excited about what is going to pop out of the soil this spring and then sprout leaves, and blossom, and bear fruit.
I myself have been percolating deep in the darkness, poking around in basements and caves in my unconscious, looking for insight and hidden treasure.
I’ve found a few precious things down there. If you click on this link you will find a 17 question “journey inventory” that brought some rich insights and perspective for me when I filled it out for myself a few weeks ago.
Together with the nation, I am breathing a sigh of relief to signs of normalcy and stabilization in government. I won’t say more.
On a more personal note, I am breathing excitement, as I have enrolled in an intensive support program that will help me in lifting my transformational somatic trauma healing business to a new level.
That is good for you because I continue to have a passion for producing free and low-cost resources to help guide people through healing developmental trauma who do not have the financial resources to pay for a dedicated facilitator. This support will help me to get those resources collected and organized and available to you and to the people in your life.
More to come on that front as I inch or leap forward, week by week.
In the meantime, here is one of the resources that I created within the past week. This is an audio process for working with fear, for finding embodiment in the face of fear, and for connecting to the earth for grounding and support.
I hope that you are well, in body, mind, and spirit. 😘
Here is my story: On Wednesday I sat down to record a new version of a healing practice that I wanted to share with you. I was all set, I had updated the script and reviewed it carefully. I would record the new version, listen to it to make sure it worked, and then write up my weekly email and send you the link.😥 That didn’t happen. 😬The state of our nervous system in any moment has a huge impact on anything we do. For me to record an effective healing meditation, my nervous system needs to be in a state of calm, aliveness, generosity, and peace. I read the headlines about what was happening in Washington DC, and what happened in my nervous system was definitely not peace. At first I thought I could settle enough to do the recording, and finally I realized that was not realistic.
Notice your body, trust your body, don’t try to force it.
I hope that your holidays thus far have delivered more blessing than pain. Now let’s all get the heck out of 2020! I hear there’s a new place opening up down the street called “2021.” I – for one – am going to go down there and check it out.
Thanks so much to those of you who came to my webinar this month, to those who signed up but didn’t manage to come, and to those who thought about it but couldn’t make it work this time. I had a great time, and we had some good insights and learning.
I have two exciting pieces of personal news to share!
In this season of celebration and also of retreat and renewal, I’m still hoping you might be able to squeeze one of my webinars on Sense of Self into your schedule this week and weekend. The sign up link and dates are below.
And in case you are interested in the exploration of your Sense of Self, but can’t fit in a 90 minute deep dive this week, I’m sharing with all of you the homework that I created for the webinar participants, which is also useful as a standalone exercise. When I created this homework yesterday, I worked through the exercise with one of my personal roles. Today I went through the process, looking at myself in the role of Wounded Healer and Trail Guide.
I met my vulnerability, my fear “that I am less than I am”, my “grief and shame for not having more or better to offer.”
Some of us only notice our emotions when we find ourselves “being emotional”, that is when we can no longer maintain “normal” neutral behaviors. Maybe we get so excited that we shriek out loud, or maybe we get so angry that we shout or growl or slam doors.
The reality is that emotions – or feelings, which may be a broader term – are with us and influencing each of us in every moment.
I believe that we have a program going on in the background, in our unconscious, that is constantly asking the following questions:
What is the most important aspect of this situation?
What am I supposed to be feeling in this situation?
What am I actually feeling?
Are there any feelings here that I’m not supposed to have?
I hope that you are safe and well as we head into the pandemic winter, and in the US, into the pending transition of power in government.
Winter is not my best season. In the past, I felt stressed and pressured to give my kids satisfying holidays, which always felt inexplicably difficult. I also have frequently gotten sick with colds and coughs that would last for weeks or months. This past week or so, I have been wondering if some of the vague dread that has been showing up is not just emotional weather, but perhaps an old emotional pattern of winter stress.
This year I got sick in the summer with COVID. Hopefully I paid my dues and can make it through the winter in better shape. And I am feeling quite a bit better, if not fully back to my normal. Last weekend, for the first time in more than 3 months, John and I headed out to the park for a bit of a hike.
Firstly, my COVID update. My antibody test came back negative but I’m still clear that it’s COVID – there are 8% false negatives and my IgG levels are way low which means I would be one of those negatives. I’m still recovering – this week I am trying to have a semi-normal schedule, and I will see how that goes.
Now, about wanting ice cream and not getting it…
Those of us living with the effects of developmental trauma sometimes have emotional experiences that don’t fit what is actually happening. Depending on the scope of our developmental trauma patterns, this might happen often, even several times a day.