As I mentioned in my last newsletter, I’m starting to hold regular open group sessions that I’m calling “Somatic Magic with Resilient Rosalie.” The first one is this Thursday, July 25 from 5:00 till 6:30 EDT.
You can get more information and register at this link:
This is a big deal for me. In some ways it feels like it shouldn’t be such a big deal because I have led a lot of groups in my life. But I’m feeling unease, the fear that I will be a flop, confusion, and parts of me that just want to run away.
None of that makes any sense on the surface. But when we are working with old (young) trauma patterns that run deep, there is no sense on the surface. The way things make sense may be several layers deep in the body and in the unconscious, connected to past events that might not even be remembered.
So, working toward this launch and also working toward the course I’m hoping to launch in a few months (I know, I’ve been going to launch a course “soon” pretty much forever), working toward both of these, I’ve encountered some weird almost unnameable resistance in myself.
To help me through these strange and challenging places, I created a new recorded resource that I’m calling simply “Facing Panic Related to an Action.” The audio is 15 minutes long and I’ve used it a few times and found it helpful.
You can find the link to this new recording on my Free Audio Resources page on my website here. The link is near the bottom of the page and is labeled, “Approaching a Task or Activity that triggers Panic, Freeze, or Fear”
I listened to the recording just now before working on this newsletter, and there were two interesting things that happened for me this time.
Firstly, one of the elements in the practice is bringing in support. People, animals or beings whose presence is supportive and helpful. Usually when I’m invited to bring in support, I think of spiritual superstars like my guru and some teachers whom I really admire. Or I bring in robed monks or goddesses who are both serene and powerful.
Today my support was a group of women – friends, colleagues, peers. Not specific nameable women. But contented, available, lighthearted, powerful, gentle, lovely friends and collaborators. They were not sitting stoic and focused, they were chatting and laughing.
Here’s what is amazing about this. The experience of peers hanging out and chatting and laughing and feeling comfortable and connected – that’s not an experience I have available in my memory banks to call upon. Throughout my life I have been uncomfortable in social situations. And even when I’ve outwardly appeared comfortable and connected, inwardly I’ve had a lot of freeze and dissociation most or all of the time. So this comfortable social engagement feels new – even in imagination.
And it’s such an interesting flavor of “support.” Huh, who knew that support could be simple friendship? Well, a lot of people knew that, but my body didn’t really know it until now.
So, yay, I’m excited about this, and about what it might portend for my social experiences with actual live human peers. I am curious about how these situations and relationships will feel different in my body now compared to how I felt in the past.
YAY!
Here’s the second interesting thing. There was the place in the recording where the Recorded Resilient Rosalie was inviting me to shift my posture in relation to the thing that was stressing me out. “Instead of having this in front of you, how might it be to put it to the side, or to turn your back to it and have it behind you?”
I immediately moved the thing behind me and I spontaneously smiled this huge smile. Like it had never occurred occurred to my body that whatever is bothering me could be sitting behind me rather than in front of me. So that in the moments when I’m not actively working on a project or task, I don’t have to endure it standing right in front of me and staring me down. I can move it behind me and not look at it at all until I’m ready to set it down on my desk and take it on.
I’m guessing that my body will continue to default to having everything right in front of me staring me down all the time. But I believe my body can start to learn to move things to the side or to the back. Because it feels so much better.
I look forward to seeing some of you this Thursday, and others of you on later dates.
And I wish you as much ease and loveliness as is possible with whatever is happening in you and around you.
Thank you for who you are and what you do.
