I’m thinking about my friends, family, colleagues and clients, as I look at the tree in my neighbor’s yard that I can see out my window, and at the basil that is growing in a can on the windowsill.
I’m thinking that the pandemic hasn’t affected my day to day life that much but then thinking about the trips I can’t take to visit my children and grandchildren. And how much the pandemic HAS affected them, Mom, Dad and kids all at home all the time. And thinking of the people I know who have been sick with COVID and who have died from it.
And then I’m thinking about the social justice protests that are so necessary because Black lives HAVE to matter more than they have mattered until now. And Native American lives HAVE to start mattering more. And the lives of Trans people HAVE to start mattering. And the lives of migrant children and adults fleeing war and violence HAVE to start mattering. And the health and well-being of low-income people HAVE to start mattering.
I want to write something about being good enough, but I don’t know if I’m good enough to say what I want to say.
I’m sitting here in my little cocoon of an office, visiting with old friend called “You’re not good enough”, I’ll call her Yange. (You Are Not Good Enough).
Me: Hi, Yange, nice to see you!
Yange: Hi, Rosalie! Who do you think you are? You’re not good enough! Why aren’t you out there protesting and sending postcards to voters and saving your country?
Me: (long slow deep breath in and out.) I’m following my intuition, which says to learn how to be clear, calm and present in the midst of chaos, and then to teach that to other people. I believe that will help even more than protesting and sending postcards.
Yange: Yeah? Well, if that’s what you’re doing, what’s taking you so long?
Me: (another slow, gentle breath.) That’s a fair question. What’s taking me time is that this is difficult sh*t. Learning how to be settled and calm and confident when you and twenty other voices like you are all in my head screaming at me is – let’s say – challenging. And then coming up with a road map to help other people do the same thing – when I am not them and I can’t always even put words to what works for me – it’s a bit tricky. But you know what? I’m doing it anyway.
Yange: Yeah? Well. Um. You’re not good enough.
Me: It’s been really nice visiting with your today. Would you like to sing a song with me before you leave?
Me: OK, well, have a nice day then!
My dear reader, I’m going to take a wild guess here that, given the particular challenges that you are facing in your life right now, logistical and relationship challenges, challenges of your emotions and nervous system, and maybe challenges related to health and wellness – that given all of that, you are doing an heroic job right now. And that you deserve a lot of appreciation and maybe a medal.
For whatever you are doing that is awesome, “Awesome stuff you’re doing there!”
And for whatever ways this messed up American system (or the system of the country that you are in) is failing you, I am so sorry. And you have my appreciation and respect for waking up and dealing with the crap you have to deal with every day.
I invite you, right now, to notice your breath, to allow yourself to soften a bit and to say, silently or aloud, “It is my intention to feel and embrace the love and support that is here for me, visible and invisible, tangible and ethereal. I remember that I am loved and I remember that I matter.”
You do matter, and I am smiling thinking of you. You are one of the humble warriors of this historical moment. And you are good enough.