Learning Objective for Module 1

My hope is that by listening to the lectures in this module, you will understand – not from a technical place but from a common sense lay person’s perspective:

that the suffering and struggling you experience inside yourself is not evidence of a character flaw or a failing on your part, but is the natural result of not having the safety, connection, education and modeling that all humans need,
that no amount of time alone will fully solve these challenges,
and that change, relief, and increased comfort and inner safety are possible.

Experiential Objective for Module 1

My hope is that through doing the experiential exercises and worksheets in this module:

you will have an initial or expanded sense of contact with “how things feel” in your body, or perhaps with how it is to approach feeling your body,
you will have an initial or expanded experience of gentleness, compassion, and/or forgiveness for yourself, or some sense of that possibility,
you will have a (possibly tentative) sense of hope, or a glimmer of the possibility of hope,

Lecture 1.0: Why I believe you are worthy and loved (record and add hotlink)

People are interesting, unique, and delightful. That means you too. It is my belief that we are all deeply and fundamentally connected and that we are connected to a common Source that is magical and loving. I have had so many profound spiritual experiences of this connection, love, and compassion that in my body this is a given, not a question or idea or theory. Of course you are fallible and have made mistakes that have caused people to be hurt. All of that comes as part of the package when we are human. That is true AND you are loved, you are worthy, you are important, you are forgiven. I believe that our connection to one another and to Source comes hard-wired. It’s in there somewhere and with patience and good humor we can find it.

Practice 1.1: Momentary stillness, momentary observation

Explanation of Practice 1.1: Momentary stillness, momentary observation

As humans, and as higher mammals, we have innate capacity to learn and discern a lot about the world around us and about our inner experience. When we can “simply” see around and inside of us clearly, we can get really useful insights into what to do and how to be that are helpful and effective.

I put the word ‘simply’ in quotes because it is not at all simple to see clearly. Through each of our lives to this point, we have learned a lot about how to see, what to see, what not to see, and how to interpret what we see. And a lot of what we learned is causing us to see things inaccurately.

In some cases, we have been explicitly taught by others that, “when you see this, it means that,” when in fact most of the time, “this” doesn’t objectively mean “that” at all. And in other cases, we ourselves created the implicit meaning connections. For example, in my body, anger means danger. I know that anger is an organic and automatic response to a boundary violation and that when used well, anger can be healthy, effective and safe. But my body is still afraid of all anger. Similarly, each of us has created many unspoken unconscious meanings that we associate with people, with objects, with situations, and with all sorts of inputs and experiences.

As we are working toward recovering from our developmental trauma and becoming the most authentic, organic, and effective versions of ourselves, we want to learn to see more clearly. And one way of practicing seeing more clearly is to see freshly – to see things inside or outside of us as if we have never seen them before, with fresh eyes and with curiosity. To do that, we aspire to become still, to temporarily turn off the flow of thoughts, ideas, worries, and agendas that pass through our minds, and for even a moment, to “just be.” And from there, to “just see.” Somatic Experiencing calls this “exploratory orienting” – just checking things out from a place of neutrality, curiosity, and even maybe a sense of wonder.

And because by default many of us turn first toward what is uncomfortable or unpleasant, this practice starts by finding something pleasant to connect with, before turning towards stillness.

Recording of Practice 1.1: Momentary stillness, momentary observation

Click here to listen to the practice

Transcript of Practice 1.1: Momentary stillness, momentary observation

Hi. This is Resilient Rosalie with a practice on momentary stillness and observation. I invite you to start by remembering someone or something that has recently made you smile, or that was at least less unpleasant than average. Something nice, or something not too bad. Remember something like that and connect with this memory – see it, feel it, sense it, be with it – and notice what it’s like to hang out with this.

Now gently letting go of these images and feelings, and I invite you to notice your breath. And now notice your feet. And noticing underneath you, whatever is holding your weight.

If it’s comfortable enough, close your eyes for a few moments here. And now open your eyes and let your eyes just see what they see, moving your eyes across the surroundings almost as if everything was new. If you find something pleasant or interesting, you can pause there. Or you can just continue to gently scan and to just let it all in.

And now back to your breath, noticing your breath again, and I invite you just glance at your body, just scanning across your body – with your eyes maybe but with your attention too, to see if there is anything there in your physical experience that wants to be noticed. Just gently saying “hi” to your body, and then let that go.

And bringing your attention back outside yourself, letting your eyes take in what is around you, noticing also whatever you can hear right now. And just pausing here, being with yourself, and notice how it is to be you, right here, right now. Thank you for joining me for this practice.

Lecture 1.1: What is Developmental Trauma? (record and add hotlink)

Humans are social beings. We are designed to have a relatively calm and safe experience in the womb, and then to be born and received into a family and community where we can learn how to be a human in a good way. Important elements of physiological and psychological development happens after we are born, and if our social and physical environment is unfriendly, unsafe, or unwelcoming, then we don’t develop optimally, lacking important skills, perspectives and social experiences.

So, Developmental Trauma includes any experience:

that occurs within the first 20 years of life, including pre- and peri-natal experiences
that we subjectively experience as unsafe and overwhelming (regardless of how it looks from the outside)
whether or not we remember the experience later
and where, afterward, there is not sufficient safety, support, understanding, space, and time for the experience to be fully metabolized and for us to encounter or reclaim a sense of safety and belonging.

As a result of developmental trauma, we are missing key experiences, skills, and learnings. We just didn’t learn how to be in the world and how to relate to others in a good way, in a way that works both for us and for our relationships. But still here we are in the world, so we have come up with creative and somewhat effective ways to work around all the things are missing, so we can function. In some ways, this can work pretty well. Many people with significant developmental trauma seem to fit right in and function in the world. Of course, some do not. But either way, underneath outward appearances, there is a huge inner cost to “functioning without the required resources.” We can be exhausted, confused, depleted, anxious, or terrified, and we can develop all manner of physical and medical issues so that our bodies don’t work and/or are in pain.

Practice 1.2: Slowing down

Explanation of Practice 1.2: Slowing down

I spoke above about how our seeing is cloudy as a result of our trauma and also by being taught directly by others. But seeing is not the only thing that is obstructed by trauma. Developmental trauma causes us to be disconnected (at least to some extent) from our feelings, our needs, our wants, our aspirations, and even our values. This amounts to our being disconnected from ourselves and from our sense of self.

I might want to record some of the lectures before writing this piece.

Recording of Practice 1.2: Slowing down

Click here to listen to the practice

Transcript of Practice 1.1: Slowing down

This is Resilient Rosalie with a practice on slowing down. Notice what happens when you even hear the words “slowing down.” Your body might begin to ease and your breath soften. Or your body might clench up in reaction to even the idea of slowing down. Or you might find yourself feeling sleepy or spaced out. Whatever you are noticing now is ok and whatever happens while doing this practice is ok.

Slowing down. We are inviting the body to slow down, so maybe noticing your breath, notice if your breath might be open to slowing and softening. Noticing gravity, noticing your body maybe giving in to gravity, and feeling how your body is held by whatever you are resting on.

Slowing down. We are inviting the mind to slow down. Perhaps, if it’s ok to sense your body, see if you can move your attention out of your head and down into your torso, belly, hips and legs. Or, if attention to your body is more stimulating then settling, perhaps placing your attention on the environment around you, just noticing the space around you, the objects that are there and any humans, animals or plants. Scanning with your eyes, your ears, or your mind, slowly scanning with no rush, no urgency. Just as much as possible, being in a place that is neutral and just seeing or sensing what is there, outside of you or inside of you.

If noticing your body doesn’t feel ok and noticing your surroundings also doesn’t feel ok, I invite you to maybe gently take a step back from both, moving to a place of relative disconnection, just seeing if there is a place you can drop into that is a bit quiet, where’s there’s less movement, less intensity, less thought. Just having a bit of respite here.

Wherever your attention is, inward, outward, or disconnected, for these moments the invitation is just noticing, not doing. Like there’s nothing that needs to happen right here, right now. Just noticing. Slowing things down, almost as if we could just pause time altogether here.

And maybe placing a hand on any part of you that might want comfort or support in this moment. Inviting and allowing space and spaciousness, as much as your body can do that. And again, noticing your breath.

And now, just noticing any shift in your body or energy in these moments. And if there’s any shift or change that is in the direction of pleasant, neutral, calm or slower, just bringing your attention there. Being with what is even a bit more still, or a bit easier. Where in your body are you noticing relative ease or more ok? What are the qualities you are noticing there? Again, whatever you are experiencing or noticing is ok.

And now I invite you to come back, gently realign yourself with present time and space and whatever your plans or needs are for this moment on this day.

And I invite you to see if you can hold kindness for yourself in the coming minutes and hours of this day.

Lecture 1.2: What Good Stuff did we miss out on? (record and add hotlink)

People who are born into a safe enough and welcoming enough environment end up with the following:

A sense of self – “I know who I am, I’m somebody.”
Belonging – “My people care about me and like me and will take care of me.”
Appropriate boundaries – “I want what I want, I stand up for myself, and I can also manage my feelings when I don’t get what I want.”
Mattering – “I am important, I matter, my experience matters, my needs matter, it’s not ok for me to be neglected or violated or misused.”
Joy and pleasure – the organic ability to relax and savor whatever is lovely
Agency – “I have input and choice about what happens to me.”
Embodiment – “I know what my body feels and wants and doesn’t want.”

Lecture 1.3: What did we get instead of that Good Stuff?(record and add hotlink)

When we experienced unresolved Developmental Trauma, the qualities of self, safety and belonging are diminished or wholly absent. Note that there is a range of the degree and severity of the impacts of developmental trauma from one person to another. We have some or all of the following in varying degrees:

Confusion about self, could be an imposed identity or a lack of any sense of self.
Healthy organic responses missing, like little or no anger at a boundary crossing, little or no sadness at about a loss, or little or no fear in a threatening situation.
And/or exaggerated anger, sadness or fear, when there is no apparent cause or out of proportion to the situation.
Lack of connection to the body, lack of awareness of body needs and preferences.
Impairment of cognitive functioning, either chronically or when there is particular stress: forgetfulness, mistakes, confusion, inability to study or learn.
Inherent fear and suspicion of other humans, including those who by all evidence seem to be safe enough.
Body and nervous system never relax, never settle, never feel ok

Lecture 1.4: Elements of Developmental Trauma Healing (record and add hotlink)

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Each of these elements is both supportive of developmental trauma healing and also increases in our experience as a result of our healing. We will explore each of these elements in subsequent modules of this course.

Safety. Most people have some degree of relative safety in their present life, even if there are actual ever-present threats. We want to allow ourselves and our bodies to be aware of whatever relative safety we do have. This includes spiritual safety that we might access through our faith and spiritual practices, that might transcend our physical challenges.
Support. We are supported by the Earth. Any of us that have a home have the support of a home – a roof, a locked door, a cupboard. Many of us have people and communities who care about us even if we don’t necessarily interact with them. And if it exists in your worldview, there are the spiritual supports – beings, practices, Universal Light and Oneness.
Safe and ok connection with our bodies. Finding where or how in our bodies we feel ok or neutral or good – even if there is a lot that doesn’t feel good – supports the movement toward healing and increases as we move toward healing.
Exploratory Orienting. This means checking out our environment with curiosity and interest, from a place of neutrality or perhaps even gentle eagerness, not from fear and stress.
Safe and ok connection with what is around us. “Hello, world!” This can be the cause or the result of exploratory orienting, or one can exist without the other.
Faith and/or Spiritual Connection. Having the subjective experience that we are connected to and supported by beings or forces greater than ourselves can be very supportive of our healing. This could be connection with nature, or the practices of a specific religion, or spiritual practices that may or may not be linked to ideology.
Slowing Down or Waking Up. Chronic activation tends to produce a speediness in our systems. Or it can produce complete shutdown, the opposite direction. Some of us are both speeded up and shut down, either alternately or in some weird way simultaneously. If we are speedy, then gently slowing down, even for small moments, can begin to make space for awareness, insights and shifts. If we are shut down, finding small moments of movement and aliveness can help to move us in a good direction at a safe pace.

Exercise 1.5: Relating to that which is pleasant or neutral. (record and add hotlink)

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Exercise 1.6: Gentleness and Compassion for Self

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